The Message I’m Sending My Children

In response to my post on The Feminine Mistake, a recent commenter questioned what kind of message stay-at-home moms are sending their daughters by giving up their careers. 

Again, I am not a traditional stay-at-home mom, because I actually telecommute three days a week and work in the office the other two.  Therefore, I invite stay-at-home moms to use the comment section to respond to this question.  However, here’s what I think I’m teaching my daughter — and my son.

First of all, I think I’m sending the message to my daughter that she has choices.  She doesn’t have to be a traditional stay-at-home mom.  Nor does she have to, as James Whittington put it, buy into the ”anti-traditional family values feminist agenda.”

Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for the freedoms that I have as a result of the feminist movement.  But one of those freedoms is choice.  I want both of my children to understand they have choices.  They have the right to choose the balance between family and careers that best suit them.  What works for their father and me might not be the same thing that works for them.  But they have that choice to decide.

I also want to teach my children independence and the ability to define their own identity.  I want them to know that their identify is what they make it.  I don’t want them to tie their identity to their career — either of them.  They should have full well-rounded lives full of interests, hobbies, friends, family and a career if they want it. 

At the same time, I want my children to know that they should establish some financial independence and learn to support themselves.  But a career is not the only reason to become educated or to work hard.  I want my children to appreciate the value of an education because knowledge, whether it be intellectual or skill-based, is powerful.  I want my children to know the feeling of a job well done and that that feeling isn’t limited to the office — it can be felt in all aspects of their lives.

I want my children to understand the value of sacrifice , compromise and risk.  My children should know that failure is not a sign of unworthiness, but a reason to persevere and a way to improve themselves.  And that anything – family, friendship, career – worthwhile is worth working hard for.

Likewise, I want my children to know independence from stereotypes.  Yes, I stay home three days a week with my children.  But my husband also sacrificed some of his career to stay home with the children the other days.  We do not have traditional roles in our house.  I’m domestically challenged, but even if I wasn’t my husband would still help out with his share of cooking, cleaning and other household chores.  We want to send the message to our children that marriage is a partnership.

Lastly, I want my children to value their family.  I’ve never heard someone regret not working more, but I have heard plenty regret not spending enough time with their family.  I hope that I’m teaching my children to not only value where they come from, but also to provide a bright future for our descendants.  I want to send the message to my children that they are the most important thing that I’ll ever do.  And that my husband and I are both willing to make sacrifices for their future.

Life is short.  I want my children to enjoy and value it.

‘Dirty Dancing’ turns 20, hits the big screen again

In honor of its 20th anniversary, Dirty Dancing will return to theaters for two nights only.  You’ll be able to watch Johnny (Patrick Swayze) and Baby (Jennifer Grey) have the time of their life on May 1st and May 2nd at 7:30 p.m. only in selected theaters.  To find a theater in your area showing this ’80s gem, visit www.dirtydancing.com.

I recently wrote a post about my Top 10 ’80s movies and of course Dirty Dancing was on it.  This movie has been one of my favorites, but I didn’t realize the extent of its impact until 2000.  That year, a 19-year-old intern from Italy spent five months working for me in the tourism industry.  Until she had time to make friends here, I showed her around on the weekends.  When I asked her what she wanted to do most, I was a little shocked to hear that she wanted to watch Dirty Dancing in English.  She’d seen it many times in Italian — apparently it’s just as popular there as it is here — but wanted to watch it as it was originally recorded.  In addition to the viewing, I made sure she went home with an American version of the movie.

Similarly, I had always thought of Dirty Dancing as a chick flick.  My husband has never shown an interest in it (maybe he just doesn’t want to watch it for the 250th time).  But according to a post in CinemaBlend, it’s very popular with the men as well.  However, I’m sure for different reasons. 

If the movie wasn’t enough, Dirty Dancing has moved to the stage, according to USA Today.  In 1994, the musical opened in Australia to much acclaim.  Since then the musical has toured in Germany and London.  It’ll be in Toronto this spring and the USA in 2008.  The writer and co-producer of the movie version of Dirty Dancing, Eleanor Bergstein also wrote and created the musical as her answer to requests for a sequel.  To sweeten the pot, the stage version has added scenes.

A coming-of-age movie about a timeless romance with great music and hot dance moves, Dirty Dancing, which was originally released on August 21, 1987, has definitely influenced several generations.  I think its just as popular today as when I first saw it.  You’d be hard press to find someone that doesn’t know what “Nobody puts Baby in a corner” means.  The movie has been referenced in numerous other movies and TV shows. 

My favorite reference, however, has to be in this year’s How I Met Your Mother when Barney flashes back to the first time he had sex and describes it as a scene from Dirty Dancing.

Well, we will all be able to get our Dirty Dancing fix this summer.  In addition to the re-release of the film on the big screen, you’ll be able to pick up a 20th anniversary of the movie on DVD on May 8.  DVD extras included a new interview with Patrick Swayze and a tribute to the late Jerry Orbach (Law & Order) who played Baby’s father, Jake Houseman.  Orbach died in 2004.

Also being released May 8 is a newly remastered version of the Dirty Dancing soundtrack on CD.  This CD will include a bonus DVD featuring photos and music videos.

In addition, Target will be featuring a whole new line of Dirty Dancing merchandise featuring everything from clothing to video games to figurines.  Personally I’m trying to decide between two t-shirts.  One says “Johnny Castle taught me all my moves” and the other says “I carried a watermelon.”  Maybe I’ll splurge and get both.

If you still haven’t gotten your fill of Dirty Dancing, visit Mountain Lake in Pembroke, VA where the movie was filmed for a Dirty Dancing weekend complete with dance lessons.  Do you think they could guarantee that Johnny Castle would be my instructor?  Now that could be the time of my life!

For some reason my husband turned down the opportunity to watch Dirty Dancing again, even on the big screen.  I swore not to get up and demonstrate any dance moves.  I even promised him that I wouldn’t drool too much over Patrick Swayze, but also he wouldn’t do it.  Still I had no shortage of girlfriends willing to hit the theater will me.  So I’ll be seeing you at the theaters on May 1st.  And maybe again on May 2nd.

(photos courtesy of dirtydancing.com)